pseudo-relationships

have not written any entry for my blog for a long time. now i'm back after two months of playing around, i guess.

not that i'm a player. what i mean is, playing along with fools who thought they could fool me back.

nah. not fools actually. they have turned to be good friends now. just that, some guys can't help but be playful sometimes. and i know how to play along, too, without losing at all. just a couple of flirts online who became good friends after a month.

well, i call them "spice of life." a good break from the monotony of work and school. and now that school is over for this term, i suddenly got bored again. and these two flirty friends were on time to add some color to the boring office life of mine.

it does not hurt to have them, though. they were actually schoolmates back in high school. both witty. one being sarcastic and blunt and other a jolly person who knows how to make you feel at home.

oh, well. just a couple of new friends who take the boredom of everyday living hehe.

of lies and flings

met a guy online whom i had been to HS with long time ago. we went to the same school but i have never ever met him personally. well, back in HS, i used to be an anti-social and nerdy plain jane. he told me he had seen me a lot of times 'cause he was a classmate of my brother's, 2 years my junior to be exact.

he tried adding me into his network of friends, probably out of curiosity or must be, i dunno actually. he sent me a message saying hi. well, all too curious who this boy was, i tried answering back asking him if we have met somewhere. indeed we didn't. i never liked younger guys. i mean, i have never preferred younger guys over older guys for a suitor. but i seem to have this kind of problem. attracting guys younger than i am.

but the story behind is this. though this guy looks presentable, i never got attracted. i did not even check his account before to see his pictures. i just approved his invitation. but what caught my eye that led me into commenting into his status one day is his being "businessminded." He was actually putting up a business with his sister i guess and he has been looking for a good location. that caught my eye. other than that, nothing else just got me interested into posting a comment or sending him a message.

but it seemed the universe sometimes throws you a curveball. the lie i have told a suitor i turned down recently seemed to have taken a different turn. a classmate of mine got interested in me and spilled his feelings before Valentine's day. but i don't really like him and i certainly don't wanna go into a relationship at present so i turned him down, giving him the lie i never expected would come true.

i told him someone's already courting me. and suddenly, this guy from the past, a HS schoolmate emerged from somewhere and started flirting with me. i don't really know if he has been meaning to court me though he told me he wanted to.

but how am i gonna let someone i don't know court me? that's being stupid, right? what a way to spend Valentine's Day!

a wo-man without fear is a wo-man without hope

so, anyone who fears nothing? course, nobody does. all of us do fear something. even little things have that effect on us. and you wanna know my fear?

well, i fear a lot of things. but what i fear the most has something to do with accomplishments. i fear not accomplishing something for myself at all. something i can be proud of or something i can call my own. like for example a book i have written, published and have others read in the dead of night. or designing a living room that pleases the client. something like that.

and right now, though i consider 3 milestones last year, i have not accomplished anything yet. i'm talking about interior design. you see. a lot of things are stalling me. there is time constraint. there is the issue of changes, i mean i don't wanna blame some people but partly, it's some people's fault. don't wanna name names here, but i just want to mention that had i been in my major subject this sem, i could have been in my second to the last semester now before thesis writing starts.

i can't help it. i seem to be wasting time. so i have decided to just shift to a nonthesis in my MBA program 'cause i've been staying longer in the grad school anyway. i might as well take that opportunity to study more subjects. but you know what compromise i had to make about this? i won't be getting back to interior design school soon. since i opted to shift to a non thesis track, i still have 3 years more to stay in the grad school. and that only means longer time of waiting before i could go back to PSID.

i don't wanna lose sight of my dream though. i still see myself putting up either a furniture shop of my own or an interior design company of my own.

okay. fine. i'm rambling. and forgive me, but i can't help. just a little frustrated i guess. and so there. i had taken it all out to my blog again for everybody to read. had to go to sleep. night everybody. till next time. 

runaway bride or fear of marriage?

i wonder if i'm the only one who's afraid of marriage. i almost tied the knot thrice (that was when i was younger, impulsive and aggressive at the same time). but for some reason, things didn't quite turn out as planned. i mean, i broke up with all those ex-bfs, and though sometimes it crosses my mind, i still can't bring myself to enter another relationship now.

not that i have not recovered yet. Two years would have been enough to get me ready for another one again. but given the opportunities i have for a possible career shift that will eventually lead to a career path and then finally to a career, i could not trade off my freedom to pursue a dream that has been put off for a long time because of relationships.

i know that i am not ready yet. 

hate me if you want, but i really did break someone's heart two days ago. aside from the fact that i don't really like him, i'm afraid of being tied down again and not getting away with what i want to do for myself. 

i had to do a lot of compromises when i was in a relationship 2 years ago. and though it hurt me too, it helped a lot going single again since 2008. i missed out on a lot of friend bondings before, missed a lot of socialization, job opportunities because of a relationship i have to consider first before doing what comes to mind. 

it is not easy being in a relationship. you give up nights out with friends, parties with officemates, holidays with family, out of towns with your bestfriends and even chat time with acquaintances. you can't even meet new people, or give your number to your groupmates in MBA classes, or you can't even do your job without your bf tagging along, or you can't even do interviews alone. you can't even have time for yourself alone. a lot of comprise. and it's hard work not getting into a fight. especially if your partner is too immature to even have a healthy relationship.

so there. the things i'm afraid of about marriage and relationships are no longer a secret. they are out. those are my fears. freedom getting curtailed, dreams being set aside and privacy or alone time being compromised.

i guess, i am just afraid of marriage. plain and simple. i am not saying i don't wanna get married. course i want to have my own family, too. but i am not ready yet.    

Life: is it what you make it?

so, what's giving you "life" these days?

is it your job? your career? your travels, your fashion shows, parties, your ambition? is it school stuff? lovelife? family life? or you're just buried with your books in the basement of your house? is it backpacking? babysitting? family bonding? movies? music? your kids?

but really, what does?

well, for most people my age, life to them is all about career. but i don't have that to brag about. at this point, i don't have a career to talk about. what i have right now is a job, not a career. but i don't hate it though, 'cause what's really keeping me busy right now is school stuff. it is something that makes me feel alive. i mean, a career in the making is in sight. and that is enough.

people actually get awed by others who seem to have been trotting around the world. i had to admit. i feel a twinge of envy sometimes.

but hey, life is not all about travel. it isn't like in the movies where all get lucky in life and they go on travelling all around the world. in reality, only a few of us do get lucky to have jobs that involve travelling, all-expense paid.

and so i ask myself these days: am i happy getting "life" with school stuff? and the answer is "definitely!"

i sure do enjoy school right now. I mean MBA and ID aren't all "wine and dine" kind of stuff but these two make me alive. i feel like i got a purpose here on earth and not just slave away in my job like an automaton.

so, life is really what you make it. if you are not happy with your "life" then do something about it. just get a life. another kind of life. :)

way back into love

i'm listening to the song "way back into love" by drew barrymore and hugh grant right now. and it takes me back to a familiar place and time.

i am not talking about getting back the feelings i had with an ex, but it makes me remember the days when i was still in college. the song was the soundtrack of the movie "Music and Lyrics" shown in 2007 i think. and i found both the music and its lyrics striking. maybe because i missed the times singing songs with my bestfriend as he went on playing his guitar during those times. ah! those were the days.

well, i am not a professional musician myself. i do play the guitar from time to time but i have not had any chance to play in front of a crowd, aside from occasional org parties and jam sessions with friends. i even watched the movie alone. but given a chance, i could have watched the movie with my bestfriend. this could have been our song together.

aside from the fact that we both are artists by heart, we really enjoy acoustic songs. he plays the guitar so well he could have been a musician by profession. and in watching movies as such, he would always be the best choice for a good companion. for one, we both love playing songs in his guitar and we both love meaningful lyrics or lyrics that somehow tells a story, or somewhat like that.

and i am glad i did not watch the movie with my boyfriend then. well, it was a good thing we broke up by the time i was able to watch the movie. i had to admit i wouldn't have enjoyed the movie as much as i've enjoyed watching it alone. it's because he might not have the same appreciation of the movie as i did. one reason is, the movie involved songwriting and musicians. second, well, it was a bit of a sappy movie most guys don't wanna watch, 'cept for some romantics who are either artists or musicians. and in some way, it was a love story. and who wants to watch movies like that? girls, of course!

and though my bestfriend is some kind of a 'chickboy,' he has never been a guy's guy who prefers watching movies with a lot of bed scenes. he is a romantic artist who, somehow, relates to other romantic girls out there.

yeah. modesty aside, some guys like him still exist. however, there's only a few of them left. and to tell you honestly, i have always been dreaming of a guy like him. but perhaps, some things are not meant to be. so we are still bestfriends up to this day.

it doesn't matter though. i'm happy the way we are. and the fact that he can still make me smile even though at times i feel down is a very positive thing to talk about. but the wonder of our relationship being bestfriends remains. we both share this "connection" we could never understand. we just both know that there is something between us, like we are kind of related by blood. i can't explain it myself. it's like we are likeminded, something like that, that we do think in almost the same way and we look at things in the same perspective, too.

oh, well. i guess i'm not making myself clear by trying to explain further. but i do believe that most people out there who do have a bestfriend, be it a girl or a guy, pretty much feel the same way, too.

and what else do i have to say? i guess i really need to find my way back to love now. :))

how to make good impressions

the way we look matters a lot. and whether we like it or not, we are being remembered either by how we dress or how we talk, or even with whom we go out with. and thus, it is very important to always make a good impression. one that usually lasts or makes anyone remember you.

so the first thing to ask yourself each time you go out for a job interview is what impression are you going to make with that dress you chose to wear? are you gonna be remembered as smart, girly, feminine or creative even? or it's just going to ruin the image you want to project for a good impression.

well, it all depends on how you carry yourself around with the suit or dress of your choice. most people believe that someone is real smart with crisp suits that come with a pair of glasses and black shiny shoes. creative ones are known to have a unique fashion sense and those girly are usually known to be donning girly dresses that flows.

well, it seems to be depending much on your fashion sense. but without your skill in carrying out a good conversation, then you're not making a good impression in there. it helps to look yourselves in the mirror, do some talking like how you usually do in interviews, turn around, or even walk to see how are you doing when it comes to projections. however, make sure that you are having the character of the person you're trying to project in you. or else, everything will turn out to be just a show.

so, remember to always let confidence ooze from within naturally. it gives out the impression that you believe in yourself and you are not afraid to really go out there and interact with other people. Choose clothes that feel comfortable but make you presentable as well. Always maintain a clean or neat look that suggests you are an organized and well-coordinated individual. Small things as such usually make the impression that you are concerned with small details, perfect for a person who orients himself to be sharp at all times and one who doesn't take even small things for granted.

music in my ears

listening to taylor swift songs right now and i can't keep falling in love with her voice. this girl's really got talent she sings so well and even plays the guitar. she's cool and she rocks.

kris lawrence, the one who revived the song "i will take you forever" is doing a great job as well with denise laurel. the song's really good to hear especially if your energy is at a low level during lazy Sunday afternoons.

music is real upper. :)

headache

i feel kind of ill today. my head aches and i feel nauseated. it must have been the sleepless nights i had the past few days. i guess stress is slowly getting on my nerves.

looking back, i had a very busy week behind me. job interview, subject change, 6-9 p.m. class, workloads. argh. toxic.

sometimes i long for hours of break, or even a month of bumming around, getting sleepovers and stuffing my face with popcorn as i turn into a couch potato for a while. the truth is, i want a year-long vacation.

yeah. that long. i need that long to be able to recharge my batteries. i just wanna finish my associate degree in ID and my MBA. i wanna get over with this post-diploma thingy and just jumped into the bandwagon of career shifting.

wala lang. it's probably PMS (post-menstrual syndrome).

how to encourage people to become better the right way

everybody wants to become better. who doesn't right? but the wrong way of doing it can ruin just about every chance you have with somebody you want to get better. so here are some points on how to make it work.

1. don't criticize. you can point out one's weaknesses without criticisms. first, you have to praise somebody's good points, and work your way from there to identify his or her strengths and weaknesses. then suggest how she or he can turn her weaknesses into strengths to allow room for growth, improvement and development.

2. don't compare her or him to anyone out there. everybody is unique. each one has her or his own talent to boast about. so don't even bother comparing him or her to anyone, lest you want to be shut out of her or his life for good.

3. develop her or his potentials. if you have seen something so unique about her or something he is really good at, try egging him on so she or he can fine-tune her or his craft.

4. give your full support. anything you can offer can push someone further on what she or he does. just don't overdo it so she or he won't get misled by false praises.

5. brag about her or his accomplishments to people close to you. this would always make her or him feel good and it gives her or him the confidence to even get better.


so there. just a few of the good points in encouraging someone to become better in anything that she or he does. next time you try encouraging someone, try those tips above and you will never fail.

change

tempora mutantur et nos mutamur in illis. i'd never forget this ever.

it was one line that changed my perspective as a person somehow. In the english language, it means "seasons change and we all change with them."

change. the only constant thing in this world. and what good it does to us?

well, a lot, i guess.

from a timid shy girl who grew up in the province, i became a changed woman. life has been simple and boring for a time, but as soon as i got into college and then stepped out into the real world four years later, a lot of things changed my perspective.

conflict. it was one thing that did it. i was once an idealist, a believer of the "almost impossible" thing that can happen in one's life. meeting her soulmate, or someone she's destined to be with for the rest of her life.

until one day, i saw a lot of things i could not believe they exist. i could not talk about them here, but to give you a glimpse of it, consider a same-sex relationship, casual sex between friends, sex between a straight guy and a gay..name it. and most of them shocked me. i was even a hesitant believer.

when i was 18, i just thought of my future, of better things to come, not knowing that a lot of "different things" happen out there. yeah. i was naive, ignorant even. so unaware that human frailties lead others to be doing things i never thought exist.

when i started working for the Inquirer, my eyes were opened to the ugly truths of life. reality. and it bites.

then, the thing that never crossed my mind happened to my family. just months into my job after graduation, rumors went around that my father was having an affair with another woman. well, i did not believe it. but i saw how it changed my father. it was then i had to shed my ideals, and start believing that there is no such thing as close-to-perfect.

i almost believed my family was one of the close-to-perfect families back in the province. we are not affluent. and we are not even always together. but we are happy, just like many of the close-to-perfect families everywhere else.

but that little change in my father led me to accept reality, though it is ugly. and when i came back to Manila, i became a changed woman, looking through things this time in a different perspective.

that we as people are meant to be here not to enjoy life, but to live it. and life is not as beautiful as we expect it to be. it is a matter of perspective, a matter of seeing things.

at the end of one of my MBA subjects last semester, a brilliant teacher left us the story of an egg, a carrot and coffee.

she went on saying that eggs are delicate but becomes hard after getting soaked in a boiling water. on the other hand, hard carrots become soft after an hour or less of boiling, while coffee just perfectly blends with the boiling water.

she asked us which one we do want to become. do we like to be toughened after a lot of problems just like the hard-boiled egg? do we turn soft after getting battered by the "storm" that comes every now and then, just like the carrots? or do we just ride along with the struggles of life just like the blending of coffee with the hot water?

of course, every one wants to be coffee in this case. and now what am i saying?

well, i have just been through a lot of confusion, both job- and relationship-related. but i emerge stronger and more capable of a quality decision each time i get to face heart-breaking or mind-boggling distractions.

change allows us to make adjustments, to study what has been happening around us, and even allows us room to slip into our best selves and continue living to the fullest. it allows us to step back from it all to see a different yet better perspective. something that suits the situation or something that perfectly fits who we are.

i had become bitter for a time after knowing that my family is going to be listed down as part of the statistics of broken homes. but you know what? a lot of better things came in lieu of that.

my brother is a successful lawyer now; another brother, younger than i am, has just taken the bar exam, too, last September; and my sister who took the licensure exam for pharmacists last year landed the sixth spot and is now working in one of the top companies along Ayala Avenue.

Well, as for me, i have discovered how lucky i am being with the Inquirer recently, and i would soon be an interior designer, too, and hopefully i'd be able to put up a little business of my own after graduating from an MBA program at the UST grad school.

see? change can make us better. and if i had not changed my perspective about my present job now, i might have still been looking out for another job.

but now that i am looking through a different perspective, i would say i'd stick it out with the Inquirer till a better job or a career chance comes along.

so, stay happy and at least like, if you can't love, your job. :)

realizations

we tend to realize the value of what we have when they are taken away. and we start to really know what we are missing if there is an element of comparison involved.

i realized that just yesterday.

well, i have been whining quite a lot about the monotony in my job. and as they say, you would never know how lucky you are if you keep on looking out instead of looking in. and indeed, i came upon a great realization yesterday.

i was wishing hard to land another writing job that comes with the same compensation as my salary at the moment. if you feel you have been staying in one company for too long, all you do is look out for another one.

i thought i was right. but i was wrong.

all along, i have not realized how lucky i am getting paid for doing something not quite hard as other workloads in the corporate world.

to give you a better understanding on this, let me just breeze through what happened yesterday.

i applied for a writing position in a startup company located at the Global City in Taguig. The compensation offered for a blogger or content writer is almost the same as my compensation in my present job.

Well, in my excitement, i missed the part where it was written there that the setting would be like a call center, in which writers, the unlucky ones, would be having a graveyard shift while the lucky ones would be writing during the day, like a 9-6 work schedule.

so there. i applied for the position. and a day after submitting my resume, i got a call for an interview right away. it was good news, right? Wrong!

so i went there, too hopeful to even realize the disadvantage of working in a place a bit far from where you live. i slipped into my best suit, hailed a cab and cheerily greeted the people at the reception area upon arriving.

i answered some questions, filled in a bio-data form and waited for about 15 minutes. then i was given 2 writing exams later. well, it was like writing a press release for the netizens. the article must be concise and it should be written in a way that grabs and retains the attention of readers. and it must be informative and must take a conversational form to create more connection between the author and the reader.

there were at least 8 of us who aspired for the position. and they were as impatient as me as we waited for about 25 more minutes after finishing the writing test. after 5 minutes, i was called for the initial interview. the girl who was not even in an office suit did the interview. she must have been the HR head, or someone like that. so since when did people in the HR department start wearing platform sandals, an ordinary blouse and pants in a formal interview?

but what made me raise my brow is the fact that the initial interview was conducted in a room that looked like a storeroom, complete with chairs in disarray and a broom and a dustpan. gosh. what have i done, i asked myself quietly.

and as soon as the interview started, i also started thinking of at least 20 reasons why i should not have been there talking in the first place. well, for one, i hate a graveyard shift. Second, who wants to write at least 10 articles a day? And third, it is a startup company, which means there is no guarantee if it is going to succeed. i have worked with a startup company before. but that was when i was still a newly grad. so, whether it stays or it closes, i wouldn't mind looking for another job.

and when the girl asked me a question that concerns my MBA, like she was trying to see if i'd give up my MBA for a call center job (in case i would need to, or if the job asks for it), i knew right there and then that i was still a lot luckier than the people who have started working for that company.

and you know what? i usually complain about wasted time doing nothing after work, but in there, breaks are even recorded. duh! what an uptight environment. too strict for a very laidback person like me.

so there. i went to class which happened to get dissolved after. i did not feel down, though. 'Cause i've gotten into a great realization yesterday.

now, i know where i belong. perhaps i just need a lot more time to somehow appreciate what i have in the present, and just look forward for the better things to come, like a promotion, right?

so when you feel like changing careers or shifting jobs, make sure it is what you really want. 'Cause regrets in the end don't give you back what you have already lost. Just stay where you are at the moment and look out for chances of career advancement in the same company.

Well, still depends on you, though. just think first before letting go of something you might wanna have back in the end. :)

right choices...how to make one?

Making choices. Easy as it sounds. Doesn’t take a genius to make one. but be sure to make it right, if not all the time, most of the time.

But how do we go about making the right choices? Well, just listen to what God tells you through your heart. Sometimes, it seems easier doing the things our enemies do to us. But don’t bother. Being like them doesn’t solve the problem. You can only watch them do their thing. And the best thing to do is stay put where you are. Never ever cross the line that sets the good apart from the evil.

Don’t let the errors of evil people lead you down the wrong path and make you lose your balance. ‘cause if you let them, it’s as good as retreating from your very first strike. Keep going and know that God’s always behind you. So put a fight for good things. If they strike you down, don’t give in to doing the same thing.