i wonder if i'm the only one who's afraid of marriage. i almost tied the knot thrice (that was when i was younger, impulsive and aggressive at the same time). but for some reason, things didn't quite turn out as planned. i mean, i broke up with all those ex-bfs, and though sometimes it crosses my mind, i still can't bring myself to enter another relationship now.
not that i have not recovered yet. Two years would have been enough to get me ready for another one again. but given the opportunities i have for a possible career shift that will eventually lead to a career path and then finally to a career, i could not trade off my freedom to pursue a dream that has been put off for a long time because of relationships.
i know that i am not ready yet.
hate me if you want, but i really did break someone's heart two days ago. aside from the fact that i don't really like him, i'm afraid of being tied down again and not getting away with what i want to do for myself.
i had to do a lot of compromises when i was in a relationship 2 years ago. and though it hurt me too, it helped a lot going single again since 2008. i missed out on a lot of friend bondings before, missed a lot of socialization, job opportunities because of a relationship i have to consider first before doing what comes to mind.
it is not easy being in a relationship. you give up nights out with friends, parties with officemates, holidays with family, out of towns with your bestfriends and even chat time with acquaintances. you can't even meet new people, or give your number to your groupmates in MBA classes, or you can't even do your job without your bf tagging along, or you can't even do interviews alone. you can't even have time for yourself alone. a lot of comprise. and it's hard work not getting into a fight. especially if your partner is too immature to even have a healthy relationship.
so there. the things i'm afraid of about marriage and relationships are no longer a secret. they are out. those are my fears. freedom getting curtailed, dreams being set aside and privacy or alone time being compromised.
i guess, i am just afraid of marriage. plain and simple. i am not saying i don't wanna get married. course i want to have my own family, too. but i am not ready yet.
