of lies and flings

met a guy online whom i had been to HS with long time ago. we went to the same school but i have never ever met him personally. well, back in HS, i used to be an anti-social and nerdy plain jane. he told me he had seen me a lot of times 'cause he was a classmate of my brother's, 2 years my junior to be exact.

he tried adding me into his network of friends, probably out of curiosity or must be, i dunno actually. he sent me a message saying hi. well, all too curious who this boy was, i tried answering back asking him if we have met somewhere. indeed we didn't. i never liked younger guys. i mean, i have never preferred younger guys over older guys for a suitor. but i seem to have this kind of problem. attracting guys younger than i am.

but the story behind is this. though this guy looks presentable, i never got attracted. i did not even check his account before to see his pictures. i just approved his invitation. but what caught my eye that led me into commenting into his status one day is his being "businessminded." He was actually putting up a business with his sister i guess and he has been looking for a good location. that caught my eye. other than that, nothing else just got me interested into posting a comment or sending him a message.

but it seemed the universe sometimes throws you a curveball. the lie i have told a suitor i turned down recently seemed to have taken a different turn. a classmate of mine got interested in me and spilled his feelings before Valentine's day. but i don't really like him and i certainly don't wanna go into a relationship at present so i turned him down, giving him the lie i never expected would come true.

i told him someone's already courting me. and suddenly, this guy from the past, a HS schoolmate emerged from somewhere and started flirting with me. i don't really know if he has been meaning to court me though he told me he wanted to.

but how am i gonna let someone i don't know court me? that's being stupid, right? what a way to spend Valentine's Day!

a wo-man without fear is a wo-man without hope

so, anyone who fears nothing? course, nobody does. all of us do fear something. even little things have that effect on us. and you wanna know my fear?

well, i fear a lot of things. but what i fear the most has something to do with accomplishments. i fear not accomplishing something for myself at all. something i can be proud of or something i can call my own. like for example a book i have written, published and have others read in the dead of night. or designing a living room that pleases the client. something like that.

and right now, though i consider 3 milestones last year, i have not accomplished anything yet. i'm talking about interior design. you see. a lot of things are stalling me. there is time constraint. there is the issue of changes, i mean i don't wanna blame some people but partly, it's some people's fault. don't wanna name names here, but i just want to mention that had i been in my major subject this sem, i could have been in my second to the last semester now before thesis writing starts.

i can't help it. i seem to be wasting time. so i have decided to just shift to a nonthesis in my MBA program 'cause i've been staying longer in the grad school anyway. i might as well take that opportunity to study more subjects. but you know what compromise i had to make about this? i won't be getting back to interior design school soon. since i opted to shift to a non thesis track, i still have 3 years more to stay in the grad school. and that only means longer time of waiting before i could go back to PSID.

i don't wanna lose sight of my dream though. i still see myself putting up either a furniture shop of my own or an interior design company of my own.

okay. fine. i'm rambling. and forgive me, but i can't help. just a little frustrated i guess. and so there. i had taken it all out to my blog again for everybody to read. had to go to sleep. night everybody. till next time.