a year older, a year wiser, or so i thought ;)

do birthdays really go unnoticed for the young professionals?

i mean, "busy bees" don't really get enough time to unwind, you know. and for us who work in the media, holidays have long been written off our hectic schedules. they simply "don't exist." even Christmas and New Year, you ask?

certainly.

you see, i haven't done anything special during my birthday, 'cept for watching a last full show.

okay. "The Avengers" movie was great, but there's nothing special in "just" watching a movie, know what i mean? of course i did watch it with some friends, and i finally discovered i'm still capable of "crushing" on some hollywood hunk. thanks to mr. chris hemsworth of Marvel's "Thor."

but going back to the topic, i usually go out with loved ones during my birthday. a special someone would have sufficed, but spending that special day with family could have been better. however, being a "busy bee" for quite a while now, taking sometime off from work ain't easy at all. summer has always meant working my ass off while the rest of the family are back home in the province enjoying summer break.

i don't mean to complain about the kind of job i have. but last time i checked? at least i had the whole day to myself during my birthday last year. i had planned out going to the spa for some pampering, but it's been a week after colleagues and friends had sung me a birthday song, and here i am, still not able to pay the spa a visit.

there are some nights i stay awake and do some rethinking regarding my career. i don't know. i'm quite sure there are a hundred who would want to swap their jobs with mine, but seriously, going on a sabbatical has finally looked appealing to me.

i mean, have you imagined traveling the world, trying out the latest restaurants or even dipping in the marvelous waters of the Philippine islands? there's a lot you can do without having to worry about pressure, beating deadlines, or waking up when you still want to sleep.

well, i still have a choice, though. i have been counting on myself after getting a year older. this june, i'd be back to UST grad school once again, hoping i'd manage to finish my mba by the end of the year.

so what's the plan? it's gonna be a smooth transition to teaching while building my interior design career on the side. there's one question i haven't settled, though. 

and this december, that's the time i'm gonna find out. there's one promise i've made to myself: if i'm going to pass the entrance exam for that discipline, i'm meant to be what i might have been, even if it means starting out from scratch or going back to the bottom of the ladder. it's been a childhood dream, you know. and dreams like that don't die at once even if you have grown old. but if not, then it's gotta be interior design for me.

draw the line

there's a fine line that separates friendship and romantic relationship.

i bet there is and that is where you draw the line. morality. heard it?

i've seen movies like "friends with benefits," "love and other drugs," "no strings attached." movies that seemed to have redefined the sacred meaning of friendship for some kind of "biological needs."

but then again, for those who are not fans of "casual encounters," i believe that only those who lack the basic standard of morality get involved in these kinds of activities. for having said that, i might have "stepped on hard on someone's foot" right now. and yeah. i know it hurts.

considering that i've had a lot of guy friends back in college, i must have to say that anything that goes beyond friendship (say, getting attracted physically) is friendship no more in its truest sense. it is something else, like an affair.

why am i saying this? i should know, because i have kept all my friendships with men well within the boundary of friendship. "friends." nothing more, nothing less. unless both of you get attracted to each other in the long run, and both of you decided to take a shot and go one step higher: bringing it to the next step called "boyfriend-girlfriend" relationship.

Other than that, it is nothing but a goddamn affair. i could hear a lot flinging expletives at me now. might be a sharp "hypocrite!" and so on and so forth.

but hey. i don't mean to offend anyone. partly, i have been kind of disoriented regarding the proliferation of "casual encounters." and now that the concept has already kept hold of the big screen, and films just keep on showing such kind of relationships, i should well be aware of it. not to be a hypocrite, but to be more of an assertive person guarding her right and dignity.

some people would enjoy "no strings attached" relationships but consequently, they would have done otherwise. in Filipino, "hindi porke't uso, makikiuso ka na rin."

okay. for those who have been in such affairs, forgive me. just airing my view on it. "to each his own."

receiving the best gift for Christmas

It's the start of the year. new perspective. new heart. new frame of mind. time to weed out bad vibes and usher in the good one.

and the best of all? i received the best gift last Christmas.

nah. it was not something fancy. not expensive either. it's priceless. and nothing beats that.

renewing my faith is the best gift of all. and thanks to Jodee. well. what can i say? i'm the happiest person ever. restoring and strengthening your faith in Him is something that is priceless.

and Christmas 2010 was the happiest ever. It's because the whole family is complete. Dad is present. we've been longing for that for years...for the family to be complete during Christmas. and i really thank God for all the blessings and for the true happiness in our hearts.

Let's all look forward for the better this 2011. Happy new year everyone! :)

getting the hang of it

it started out with a text message from my aunt and a prospective client. the next thing i knew, i was standing next to the client, talking and getting the 'taste' of how is it like to be in the actual jobsite.

No. it was way too far from having my own interior design. not now. not yet. but already, i felt like i was already doing my very first project. well, that was how it felt.

First off, you wake up early. dress well before you go. check yourself on the mirror. one final look to make sure you are presentable or you're gonna lose that client even before the very first talk.

and so off you go. and when you finally meet her, be professional and friendly at the same time. warm enough to earn her trust but professional enough to stand your ground. somewhat making an impression that you are there to do business in case she missed the part that you're gonna lay out a proposal any time.

it was a 200-square-meter would-be culinary arts training center cum resto-bar on the second floor of an arcade building at the corner of Tandang Sora and Commonwealth in Quezon City. perfect location at that.

i got warm greetings from the two chefs and a beso-beso from the owner. so there. trust was established. then the talk went on naturally. just like meeting a new friend or a new classmate.

and next came the chef's design idea, making sure every detail was absorbed by the would-be designer. but reality check, i wasn't going to be the designer. funny, huh? not at all. 'cause it was like an apprentice on my part. a classmate of mine would be doing the actual design and i get at least 30 percent of the pay plus the on-the-job training from them. clever, don't you think?

the next day, i was back to the place, with my classmate and her boyfriend in tow. there we were talking to the client like real pros. i mean, that was how it felt haha.

i had another appointment earlier. one thing i had to forego in exchange for a dream of a lifetime. i mean, this is gonna be the stepping stone of a dream career. yeah, yeah. i know. i can't do without my writing job. it is what sends me to interior design school, right? but no worries. i take every minute of it seriously. yeah. seriously. i better love what i have now so i can have that job i have been dreaming about...soon.

but going back. the client was nice and all that. but some of her staff members, i mean the people she chose to employ for her culinary arts training center, were there, too, driving a hard bargain. that's what you call haggling, folks.

so the talk that was supposed to last an hour took us at least 2 and half an hour later with just the 3D plan. uh-oh. at least the owner agreed to look at a proposal and things will start from there.

so there. after some more talking, we left chocolate kiss at UP Bahay ng Alumni a little bit satisfied. but we're gonna be back to the site tomorrow in the afternoon. and this time, the actual measuring will take place.

now, what can i say? well, i'm getting the hang of it :))

great lesson

"...let your own discretion be your tutor, suit the action to the word; the word to the action..."

the line on top said it best: caution.

strangers online could never be trusted. so choose those you can really give your trust. 'cause one way or another, though you would be a good play actor, you could be deceived by what seem to be other people's sincerity.

think twice and let the line above be your guiding principle. Look before you leap...trust no one but yourself. looks can always be deceiving.

so next time you go out there, beyond the boundaries of "uncharted waters," be cautious and think of the motives of others. action always speaks louder than words.. cause sometimes, people may say exactly the opposite of what they really mean. He might say i am sincere but he might just be fooling you.

be wiser, people. nakakatakot na ngayon ang mundo. andaming manloloko. trust me and take my word for it. so be careful, especially when dealing with strangers.

as mothers always say, it would be best not to talk with strangers. and believe me, words are the least reliable purveyor of truth.

life is all about discovery, exploring, experience, learning, going places and meeting people

it was just so right discovering different niches other than yours. exploring other places, going places, meeting new people, talking to strangers, mingling with different kinds of crowds other than yours..it was just so right.

getting out of the confines of office life just brought me new realizations...realizations that there's a lot to be discovered out there. i don't wanna be trapped in just one place anymore; no longer want to talk to the same people forever. people need to grow, expand their horizon, explore much as they can, discover the world out there while they can.

there is just too much to explore, to experience. life is all about constant learning, adding people, talking to different people, getting exposed to different environments...life is all about discovery, exploring, experience.

yeah. i just realized that life must be lived out to the fullest. that is the purpose of it.

pseudo-relationships

have not written any entry for my blog for a long time. now i'm back after two months of playing around, i guess.

not that i'm a player. what i mean is, playing along with fools who thought they could fool me back.

nah. not fools actually. they have turned to be good friends now. just that, some guys can't help but be playful sometimes. and i know how to play along, too, without losing at all. just a couple of flirts online who became good friends after a month.

well, i call them "spice of life." a good break from the monotony of work and school. and now that school is over for this term, i suddenly got bored again. and these two flirty friends were on time to add some color to the boring office life of mine.

it does not hurt to have them, though. they were actually schoolmates back in high school. both witty. one being sarcastic and blunt and other a jolly person who knows how to make you feel at home.

oh, well. just a couple of new friends who take the boredom of everyday living hehe.

of lies and flings

met a guy online whom i had been to HS with long time ago. we went to the same school but i have never ever met him personally. well, back in HS, i used to be an anti-social and nerdy plain jane. he told me he had seen me a lot of times 'cause he was a classmate of my brother's, 2 years my junior to be exact.

he tried adding me into his network of friends, probably out of curiosity or must be, i dunno actually. he sent me a message saying hi. well, all too curious who this boy was, i tried answering back asking him if we have met somewhere. indeed we didn't. i never liked younger guys. i mean, i have never preferred younger guys over older guys for a suitor. but i seem to have this kind of problem. attracting guys younger than i am.

but the story behind is this. though this guy looks presentable, i never got attracted. i did not even check his account before to see his pictures. i just approved his invitation. but what caught my eye that led me into commenting into his status one day is his being "businessminded." He was actually putting up a business with his sister i guess and he has been looking for a good location. that caught my eye. other than that, nothing else just got me interested into posting a comment or sending him a message.

but it seemed the universe sometimes throws you a curveball. the lie i have told a suitor i turned down recently seemed to have taken a different turn. a classmate of mine got interested in me and spilled his feelings before Valentine's day. but i don't really like him and i certainly don't wanna go into a relationship at present so i turned him down, giving him the lie i never expected would come true.

i told him someone's already courting me. and suddenly, this guy from the past, a HS schoolmate emerged from somewhere and started flirting with me. i don't really know if he has been meaning to court me though he told me he wanted to.

but how am i gonna let someone i don't know court me? that's being stupid, right? what a way to spend Valentine's Day!

a wo-man without fear is a wo-man without hope

so, anyone who fears nothing? course, nobody does. all of us do fear something. even little things have that effect on us. and you wanna know my fear?

well, i fear a lot of things. but what i fear the most has something to do with accomplishments. i fear not accomplishing something for myself at all. something i can be proud of or something i can call my own. like for example a book i have written, published and have others read in the dead of night. or designing a living room that pleases the client. something like that.

and right now, though i consider 3 milestones last year, i have not accomplished anything yet. i'm talking about interior design. you see. a lot of things are stalling me. there is time constraint. there is the issue of changes, i mean i don't wanna blame some people but partly, it's some people's fault. don't wanna name names here, but i just want to mention that had i been in my major subject this sem, i could have been in my second to the last semester now before thesis writing starts.

i can't help it. i seem to be wasting time. so i have decided to just shift to a nonthesis in my MBA program 'cause i've been staying longer in the grad school anyway. i might as well take that opportunity to study more subjects. but you know what compromise i had to make about this? i won't be getting back to interior design school soon. since i opted to shift to a non thesis track, i still have 3 years more to stay in the grad school. and that only means longer time of waiting before i could go back to PSID.

i don't wanna lose sight of my dream though. i still see myself putting up either a furniture shop of my own or an interior design company of my own.

okay. fine. i'm rambling. and forgive me, but i can't help. just a little frustrated i guess. and so there. i had taken it all out to my blog again for everybody to read. had to go to sleep. night everybody. till next time. 

runaway bride or fear of marriage?

i wonder if i'm the only one who's afraid of marriage. i almost tied the knot thrice (that was when i was younger, impulsive and aggressive at the same time). but for some reason, things didn't quite turn out as planned. i mean, i broke up with all those ex-bfs, and though sometimes it crosses my mind, i still can't bring myself to enter another relationship now.

not that i have not recovered yet. Two years would have been enough to get me ready for another one again. but given the opportunities i have for a possible career shift that will eventually lead to a career path and then finally to a career, i could not trade off my freedom to pursue a dream that has been put off for a long time because of relationships.

i know that i am not ready yet. 

hate me if you want, but i really did break someone's heart two days ago. aside from the fact that i don't really like him, i'm afraid of being tied down again and not getting away with what i want to do for myself. 

i had to do a lot of compromises when i was in a relationship 2 years ago. and though it hurt me too, it helped a lot going single again since 2008. i missed out on a lot of friend bondings before, missed a lot of socialization, job opportunities because of a relationship i have to consider first before doing what comes to mind. 

it is not easy being in a relationship. you give up nights out with friends, parties with officemates, holidays with family, out of towns with your bestfriends and even chat time with acquaintances. you can't even meet new people, or give your number to your groupmates in MBA classes, or you can't even do your job without your bf tagging along, or you can't even do interviews alone. you can't even have time for yourself alone. a lot of comprise. and it's hard work not getting into a fight. especially if your partner is too immature to even have a healthy relationship.

so there. the things i'm afraid of about marriage and relationships are no longer a secret. they are out. those are my fears. freedom getting curtailed, dreams being set aside and privacy or alone time being compromised.

i guess, i am just afraid of marriage. plain and simple. i am not saying i don't wanna get married. course i want to have my own family, too. but i am not ready yet.    

Life: is it what you make it?

so, what's giving you "life" these days?

is it your job? your career? your travels, your fashion shows, parties, your ambition? is it school stuff? lovelife? family life? or you're just buried with your books in the basement of your house? is it backpacking? babysitting? family bonding? movies? music? your kids?

but really, what does?

well, for most people my age, life to them is all about career. but i don't have that to brag about. at this point, i don't have a career to talk about. what i have right now is a job, not a career. but i don't hate it though, 'cause what's really keeping me busy right now is school stuff. it is something that makes me feel alive. i mean, a career in the making is in sight. and that is enough.

people actually get awed by others who seem to have been trotting around the world. i had to admit. i feel a twinge of envy sometimes.

but hey, life is not all about travel. it isn't like in the movies where all get lucky in life and they go on travelling all around the world. in reality, only a few of us do get lucky to have jobs that involve travelling, all-expense paid.

and so i ask myself these days: am i happy getting "life" with school stuff? and the answer is "definitely!"

i sure do enjoy school right now. I mean MBA and ID aren't all "wine and dine" kind of stuff but these two make me alive. i feel like i got a purpose here on earth and not just slave away in my job like an automaton.

so, life is really what you make it. if you are not happy with your "life" then do something about it. just get a life. another kind of life. :)

way back into love

i'm listening to the song "way back into love" by drew barrymore and hugh grant right now. and it takes me back to a familiar place and time.

i am not talking about getting back the feelings i had with an ex, but it makes me remember the days when i was still in college. the song was the soundtrack of the movie "Music and Lyrics" shown in 2007 i think. and i found both the music and its lyrics striking. maybe because i missed the times singing songs with my bestfriend as he went on playing his guitar during those times. ah! those were the days.

well, i am not a professional musician myself. i do play the guitar from time to time but i have not had any chance to play in front of a crowd, aside from occasional org parties and jam sessions with friends. i even watched the movie alone. but given a chance, i could have watched the movie with my bestfriend. this could have been our song together.

aside from the fact that we both are artists by heart, we really enjoy acoustic songs. he plays the guitar so well he could have been a musician by profession. and in watching movies as such, he would always be the best choice for a good companion. for one, we both love playing songs in his guitar and we both love meaningful lyrics or lyrics that somehow tells a story, or somewhat like that.

and i am glad i did not watch the movie with my boyfriend then. well, it was a good thing we broke up by the time i was able to watch the movie. i had to admit i wouldn't have enjoyed the movie as much as i've enjoyed watching it alone. it's because he might not have the same appreciation of the movie as i did. one reason is, the movie involved songwriting and musicians. second, well, it was a bit of a sappy movie most guys don't wanna watch, 'cept for some romantics who are either artists or musicians. and in some way, it was a love story. and who wants to watch movies like that? girls, of course!

and though my bestfriend is some kind of a 'chickboy,' he has never been a guy's guy who prefers watching movies with a lot of bed scenes. he is a romantic artist who, somehow, relates to other romantic girls out there.

yeah. modesty aside, some guys like him still exist. however, there's only a few of them left. and to tell you honestly, i have always been dreaming of a guy like him. but perhaps, some things are not meant to be. so we are still bestfriends up to this day.

it doesn't matter though. i'm happy the way we are. and the fact that he can still make me smile even though at times i feel down is a very positive thing to talk about. but the wonder of our relationship being bestfriends remains. we both share this "connection" we could never understand. we just both know that there is something between us, like we are kind of related by blood. i can't explain it myself. it's like we are likeminded, something like that, that we do think in almost the same way and we look at things in the same perspective, too.

oh, well. i guess i'm not making myself clear by trying to explain further. but i do believe that most people out there who do have a bestfriend, be it a girl or a guy, pretty much feel the same way, too.

and what else do i have to say? i guess i really need to find my way back to love now. :))

how to make good impressions

the way we look matters a lot. and whether we like it or not, we are being remembered either by how we dress or how we talk, or even with whom we go out with. and thus, it is very important to always make a good impression. one that usually lasts or makes anyone remember you.

so the first thing to ask yourself each time you go out for a job interview is what impression are you going to make with that dress you chose to wear? are you gonna be remembered as smart, girly, feminine or creative even? or it's just going to ruin the image you want to project for a good impression.

well, it all depends on how you carry yourself around with the suit or dress of your choice. most people believe that someone is real smart with crisp suits that come with a pair of glasses and black shiny shoes. creative ones are known to have a unique fashion sense and those girly are usually known to be donning girly dresses that flows.

well, it seems to be depending much on your fashion sense. but without your skill in carrying out a good conversation, then you're not making a good impression in there. it helps to look yourselves in the mirror, do some talking like how you usually do in interviews, turn around, or even walk to see how are you doing when it comes to projections. however, make sure that you are having the character of the person you're trying to project in you. or else, everything will turn out to be just a show.

so, remember to always let confidence ooze from within naturally. it gives out the impression that you believe in yourself and you are not afraid to really go out there and interact with other people. Choose clothes that feel comfortable but make you presentable as well. Always maintain a clean or neat look that suggests you are an organized and well-coordinated individual. Small things as such usually make the impression that you are concerned with small details, perfect for a person who orients himself to be sharp at all times and one who doesn't take even small things for granted.