Second Chances

is love really sweeter the second time around? could be. who knows?

i'm not quite sure. but being friends the second time around could really be sweeter.

you see, i have nothing against exes, ex-bfs to be exact. but some of them might have driven you away, really far away that you have to burn "bridges." know what i mean?

but this one's exceptional. i don't really mind putting the past behind if only to save the friendship, and start a beautiful relationship out of the failed one. maybe we are not meant to be in a romantic relationship and a platonic one is better.

recently, i have rekindled that friendship with fei. yep. the last one i had recently said goodbye to. and it was sweet. i mean, in a friendly way.

don't hate me though. both of us know we have broken up just last year. but heck. before that, we were friends. and it feels good being friends again. it really feels good talking to that friend you used to talk to in the middle of the night back when insomnia abounds. it really feels good talking to a lost friend again.

i know nothing about second chances. but i believe in seizing the moment before it's gone. what i know is letting someone stay if life allows it, and unlatching the door so the person you have shut out of your life could reenter and prove himself once more. and maybe, this time, both of you can make a difference.

... fei ...

wish i am brave enough to follow the desires of my heart. 

that way, life would have been easier, like how things may happen naturally and spontaneously.

 but i am not. things between us have changed. and i should have left them all behind, to start with a clean slate this year.

time must not have been on my side. i never knew we'd see each other again. the whole of last year was a blur and i thought writing you off would end things over.

but no. i was mistaken. and here you come again getting in the way of my recovery. i have promised myself i won't cave in. but with all the strength i have mustered to keep you at bay, away enough from this tender heart, it all went back to the same. that feelings i fought off which mostly kept us together is back with the same degree of tenderness in me. and i hate it.

wish i could finally close the door on you and move on. wish this year, things will be different. i haven't been brave enough to admit my feelings to you. wish i could have told you i want you back in my life, that i have waited for you though i had been wishing you won't come back 'nymore.

wish i could turn away and forget i met you along the way.

wish i could but i couldn't. one thing i ask. just move on. go away and never come back  'cause i might be with someone else, but my heart is still with you just the same.

i'm missing you,fei. wish i could stay the same, but i couldn't stand the distance anymore. it kills me being away from you.

wish i could. but i am not brave enough to follow my heart.