reaLity biteS

i've read a letter posted in our office bulletin board today. it was an officemate's who is having a bout with cancer, lymphoma to be exact. and getting face to face with such life's realities gets me down sometimes.

i mean, i am too much of an idealist, and it gets the best of me sometimes. well, i am well-grounded. just that, i have yet to outgrow the idealism in me. and such encounter always makes me sad.

my view of the world is nothing like what it really is. i always think that life is beautiful and the world is a beautiful place to live in. i forgot to include the adversities in the process. but i know too well that it is somewhat flawed.

seeing the different faces of reality really gets me down: homeless people living in the streets; people who dig into garbage bins for something to eat; people who can't go to school; people who live by taking odd jobs such as being prostitutes; people who have gone out of their wits, and remained as such with nobody taking care of them; people who live near dumpsites, living by selling scraps and discards, trying to stand the stench, dirt and grime of garbage.

meaningless questions often pop in my head seeing such things. why can't we live happily, minus incurable illnesses? can't we live in peace, just like how we wish to be? are we not supposed to be here to be happy?

my officemate is too young to have cancer. she has given birth to a baby boy a year ago and it is heart-wrenching to think she's into this situation. is it the environment? our lifestyle?

i dunno. maybe there aren't always reasons for everything. it simply is, period. but just the same, it breaks my heart. just last year, the mother of an ex-bf died of breast cancer. and this year, Francis M passed away because of cancer.

i know. our lives were never ours in the first place. these were God-given. but just the same, i can't help but feel sad. all i can do now is pray for her, that she's gonna survive cancer for the sake of her baby.

faLLin' again..(pero di pwede!)

is it possible getting attracted to someone 12 years your senior?

i dunno. seems he's quite old for me. pero eto ha, andami naming similarities na i believe would get us mentally connected. kumbaga sa music and lyrics, our relationship would be like a song. there would be a meeting of the minds and souls, naks!

but seriously, here are the things na feeling ko, would get us in tune with each other:

pareho kami fan ng horror movies; sobrang family-oriented xa, meaning, close sa family. parang aq, i could not imagine myself without my family or malau sa kanila.

strong ang faith nia. di naman aq sing devout nia na catholic, pero when it comes to faith, pareho kaming God-fearing. my talent xa in dancing, just like me. we are both homebodies. he loves movies, whether dvd or sa cinemas and he loves eating and cooking. so similar with the things i love doing talaga. we are both artists, pati professions na gusto, similar din. he is also a novelist, aq aspiring pa lang, hehe.

haay..kaso teacher q xa. tho he is single and good-looking, pde kaya un? hirap naman. pero when i'm in class, kinikilig kilig naman, haha!

secret na nga lang, hmp!

positive eNergy

fate has its twists and turns and life has its ups and downs. it's always a roller-coaster ride. but no matter what, make sure to stay positive at all times. believe me. you can't go wrong with this.

there are actually so many things going on around me right now. but most of them inspire me to follow my calling. well, i wasn't spending much time with close friends anymore. hectic schedule prevents me so. though at times, i miss my social life, i remain satisfied with a few special moments spent with my loved ones.

i won't be able to take a longer vacation this year. well, it's been obvious since the beginning of this year. interior design school is a priority.

though i am a laidback person who loves lounging around most of the time, i've changed since i started interior design. and i believe this year's gonna be my shining moment. i was able to spend 4 days with loved ones in a resort in the north provinces last holy week. and though it was a bit short, i was happy. the first five days of the holy week had been solemn. we visited the shrine of La Salette in our town on a Friday, had lunch and took some pictures.

it felt so good being with a family and loved ones. and these moments were just some of the priceless keepsakes of my heart.

knowing that i belong to a home warms up my heart. it's the same feeling i felt upon discovering where i really belong. and i am looking forward to the day my designs finally come to life.

see? you have to stay positive. i've never known i was meant to be an interior designer before. but maybe, right things come your way at the right time. took me so long, though. but no matter.

now i am here so happy and giddy. remember. stay positive to attract positive energy. ;)

8 years after

curiosity had me checking out some pictures of a familiar face today. and to my surprise, he finally graduated on the 25th of february this year.

huwaaat?! after 8 long years?!!

grabe. can't believe talaga. if i got it right, he must have graduated 4 years ago, and that makes it 2005 supposedly. 'cause last time i checked, he was in his junior year in 2003. well, sometimes fate throws you a curveball and you end up reaping what you sow. *tsk tsk*

'nyway, good for this fella. at least he'll know how it feels to be in the real world soon. what can i say? brace yourself.

chinky and arrogant (apologies to all of those who are chinky-eyed)

note: some might have interpreted the satire column the wrong way. chip tsao has actually taken the role of Hong Kong chinese who have Filipino domestic helpers in their employ and he satirized their supposed reactions. he is not actually the one turning the Filipinos down since the column is a satire.

i came across a news article today. it was all about the apology of chip tsao, the hong kong magazine columnist who branded Philippines as a nation of servants. he finally said sorry and admitted to the government/people he crossed the line.

the following is the story from Inquirer, and parts of the column were included. i also posted his photo here. reading through the satirized column, it makes me cringe, to think that most chinese (those from China) who study here can't even speak English. now i don't regret not helping a Chinese classmate who was able to get into post grad school but could barely understand nor speak the English language. these chinky people (Hong Kong chinese with Filipino domestic helpers in their employ) really do come off like they do rule the world. talk about arrogance.

i admit there is some truth to it: Filipinos being domestic helpers in some parts of the world, but i have not heard of any domestic helper having a degree. that's a bit far from reality. i could not help but react negatively. i would not say i am patriotic, but just the same, i am a filipino and it hurts me reading the column demeaning the Filipinos. though it is satirized, it still hurst to know a lot of Chinese think of Filipinos this way.

The Philippines might be a third-world country, or a developing one, but it is rich in natural resources and teems with talented intellectuals, not mentioning beauties which the world came to know. and these chinky people who hail from the other side of the world [the mere mention of its name makes me cringe a bit more] usually come here and put up businesses and make themselves rich, exploiting both our resources and our people.

and if indeed they are our masters, how come some of their people come here to get rich? isn't it ironic to call themselves masters of Filipino servants? it is such a blatant display of arrogance for them to call our dear country a nation of servants. people from other parts of the world, like them, can sometimes be rude. respect is never part of their virtues. tho it might be too judgmental on my part and too general to use it as a reference, i could not help but tell that those chinky people don't have manners, esp. table manners. well, my chinese classmate who hails from that country is a perfect representation of what i'm talking about. he spits on the street in full view of the public, he blows his nose even during lunch and i-dunno-what-else-can-he-do things.

well, dear readers, just read the article and find it for yourselves.

disclaimer: the following article is owned by Philippine Daily Inquirer and all copyrights belong to the newspaper company. it is herewith pasted on this blog as a mere reference and intended for no other purposes. the photo is also owned by Philippine star and all copyrights belong to the newspaper company. it is used here merely as a reference.


HK writer: ‘So sorry, I crossed the line’

By Cynthia D. Balana

A HONG KONG MAGAZINE COLUMNIST yesterday admitted that he had indeed crossed the line when he branded the Philippines a “nation of servants” and apologized to the government and its people.
“I realized that I had crossed the line. I now offer my public apology,” columnist Chip Tsao said in interview aired at about 7:30 p.m. Tuesday night over Hong Kong’s ATV.

The Philippine consulate in Hong Kong relayed the apology to the Department of Foreign Affairs.
On Monday, the publishers of HK Magazine, Asia City Publishing Group, also issued an apology for “any offense” caused by Tsao’s article.

A group of Filipino migrant workers in HK have planned a protest rally against Tsao on Sunday. Dolores Balladares, chair of United Filipinos in HK, said she expected thousands of marchers.
Racist, demeaning
“We are united in our position that the article was racist, discriminatory and demeaning to Filipino domestic workers in HK.”

Tsao was yesterday quoted in a report by Agence France Presse as saying the article was a satire and “was never intended to be insulting to the Filipino domestic workers.” He then added that “English, being a global language, is open to different interpretations by those who come from various cultural backgrounds.”

Tsao’s column entitled “War at Home,” published in HK magazine on March 27, made fun of the Philippine claim on Spratly Islands and satirized the response of Hong Kong Chinese who have Filipino domestics in their employ.

The threats to Chinese sovereignty by Russia and Japan they could live with, wrote Tsao. These countries have been mentors to China or exert major cultural influences on them. “But hold on—even the Filipinos?”
Manila’s Congress, said Tsao, has recently “threatened to send gunboats to the South China Sea to defend the islands from China if necessary. This is beyond reproach. The reason: there are more than 130,000 Filipina maids working as $3,580-a-month cheap labor in Hong Kong. As a nation of servants, you don’t flex your muscles at your master, from whom you earn most of your bread and butter.”

Quipped Tsao: “As a patriotic Chinese man, the news has made my blood boil. I summoned Louisa, my domestic assistant who holds a degree in international politics from the University of Manila, hung a map on the wall, and gave her a harsh lecture. I sternly warned her that if she wants her wages increased next year, she had better tell every one of her compatriots in Statue Square on Sunday that the entirety of the Spratly Islands belongs to China.”

“Grimly, I told her that if war breaks out between the Philippines and China, I would have to end her employment and send her straight home, because I would not risk the crime of treason for sponsoring an enemy of the state by paying her to wash my toilet and clean my windows 16 hours a day. With that money, she would pay taxes to her government, and they would fund a navy to invade our motherland and deeply hurt my feelings.

“Oh yes. The government of the Philippines would certainly be wrong if they think we Chinese are prepared to swallow their insult and sit back and lose a Falkland Islands War in the Far East. They may have Barack Obama and the hawkish American military behind them, but we have a hostage in each of our homes in the Mid-Levels or higher. Some of my friends told me they have already declared a state of emergency at home. Their maids have been made to shout “China, Madam/Sir” loudly whenever they hear the word “Spratly.” They say the indoctrination is working as wonderfully as when we used to shout, “Long live Chairman Mao!” at the sight of a portrait of our Great Leader during the Cultural Revolution. I’m not sure if that’s going a bit too far, at least for the time being.

Manila Immigration did not think the piece was funny. It has since barred Tsao from coming to the Philippines.
Running priest Robert Reyes, however, had said that if anyone should apologize, it should be President Arroyo for making the country a nation of servants.

one down, one more to go

this morning was the last day of my elements and principles of interior design class at the Philippine School of Interior Design. we had a grueling task of setting up our themed table presentations as the final exam. though i had been juggling too many things at the same time, i was able to pull through and earned a grade of 1.25.

not bad for a newbie to the industry like me. though i had spent sleepless nights over plates doing designs and all that, it's worth it. here are some of the photos i have taken during this morning's presentation.

tomorrow will be the last day for my mechanical drawing class, and i hope and pray i'm gonna make it the same way i did with my design class. wish me luck *wink*

Among those i have taken photos with are tine-tine (wearing red japanese costume), ian (wearing the white japanese costume) and fred (the one in blonde hair). i am with nes (in white off-shoulder dress), brian (in glasses), ed (in black suit) and kris (in hawaiian costume) on the photo on top left. =)

final plates and enrollment

a week more to go before term ends this month. and though i did well in my final plates in both subjects in interior design, i feel a little sad. i won't be able to take the second term this summer. simply for the reason that classes available don't fit my schedule.

i was disheartened to know i'm gonna miss one term. i was hoping i could have both subjects on a Friday; freehand drawing in the morning and color theory in the afternoon. but when my fave designer told me there wouldn't be classes in the afternoon, my knees buckled at once. well, that is an exaggeration, but really, i'm kinda worried.

missing one term means not graduating on time. i had a rough calculation i'm gonna be a candidate by 2012. this comes really unexpected. nevertheless, i'd wait till the last day of enrollment. and i'd pray from now on till that day students will enroll in drove so classes will be opened for the afternoon sched to accommodate more students. *sigh*

the photos on top were some of the first basic drafts i did in my mechdraw class. i'd be uploading the final plates after the finals next week. =)

my teacher topped the '94 ID licensure exam

guess what?

my mech draw and ID elements and principles teacher, Victor Ruel Pambid, topped the licensure exam for interior designers in 1994. i discovered that upon reading an online article on our website.

no wonder he is such a great teacher..and a very patient teacher. actually, he's kind of an inspiration to a lot of his students right now, including me, given the way he teaches and encourages students to do well with the course. and he clearly demonstrates this with giving fair grades to beginners like us.

i swear, i won't forget this teacher. i even intend to teach in the same school after finishing the course. i hope he'd consider, hehe!

here's the article:

disclaimer: all rights belong to inquirer.net. i just copied and posted this on my blogsite.

Space for bigger things
Inquirer
MANILA, Philippines - After 30 years of producing some of the country’s best interior designers in a cramped two-story building in Makati, the faculty and staff of the Philippine School of Interior Design (PSID) will soon be moving to a bigger, more student-friendly building in Taguig.

Built from the ground up, the three-story affair on Bayani Road, Fort Bonifacio comes with a basement and modest parking area. Once they’re fully settled in their new home, school administrators and faculty members led by Rosario Cancio-Yujuico, PSID president, will be introducing a number of specialized art programs next year.

“The move brings us closer to our vision of becoming a specialized art center in the Philippines,” says Cancio-Yujuico. “Since we now have the space, we will be offering more seminars and continuing education programs to interested individuals.”

Unlike its interior design courses, these specialized programs are shorter—around six to nine months—and designed specifically for craftsmen and artisans. One such program, to be handled by muralist Alfred Galvez, who’ll fly to Italy in December to undergo further training, focuses on decorative paint finishes.

“In keeping with our goal to market ourselves as an institution, the programs we will be introducing won’t just be about painting,” says Victor Ruel Pambid, PSID director for external affairs. “Aside from honing our students to become skilled craftsmen, we want to produce graduates who are thinkers. We want them to turn this knowledge in conceptualization into their own businesses.”

Apart from slowly turning into a “creative economy,” says Pambid, the country is also entering an age of specialization. As such, PSID plans to introduce a lighting design course two years from now. Beginners need not enroll since the course is designed for practicing interior designers, architects and even engineers.

More space also means additional room to hold review classes for interior design graduates intending to take the board exams. Because of space constraints, Pambid and company have been catering exclusively to PSID graduates. Thanks to its new and bigger building, this situation will soon be a thing of the past.

“Having been around for only five years, PSID’s review classes are fairly new,” says Pambid, an aspiring doctor who later shifted to interior design and eventually topped the board in 1994. “But we’re getting better in terms of results because we train our graduates to answer design questions well.”

With a passing rate of 55 percent (much higher than the national average of 35 to 40 percent), PSID has earned a coveted slot in the “top three,” alongside the University of Santo Tomas and the University of the Philippines.

PSID would have earned such an honor sooner, says Pambid, had its earlier batches of successful examinees been credited to it and not to other schools. The confusion stemmed from the fact that PSID, since its inception, only offers interior design subjects.
Students who wish to earn a bachelor’s degree in interior design (and, thus, make themselves eligible to take the board) have to cross-enroll with other colleges and universities in order to take up general subjects such as Math, Pilipino and English.

In fact, PSID has an existing arrangement with the College of St. Benilde for this purpose. Moving to bigger digs won’t likely change the school’s thrust.

“We don’t see the need. Most of our students are either college graduates or transferees from other schools,” says Pambid. “It’s quite seldom that we encounter students fresh out of high school.”

With the opening of its new building, PSID also expects an increase in the number of enrollees. Although the school welcomes such a development, it will never sacrifice quality over quantity, Pambid assures.

“It’s not easy to run a good interior design school,” says Cancio-Yujuico. “For one, it’s quite difficult to get qualified interior design teachers because most of the good ones are either reluctant to teach or have gone abroad in search of greener pastures.”

Becoming a full-fledged college is also not part of PSID’s agenda. Building or no building, it would rather focus on what it does best, which is to provide students with the best interior design education available. Alex Y. Vergara

going, going...

i've read the newspaper yesterday. and the global economic situation is getting worse. and honestly, it's giving me the jitters.

i am not talking about paranoia here. this thing is real. we face a bleak future ahead of us. and if we don't take an action now, it could be worse. i know that i must do something about it. people who are not aware of the situation may not care at all. but the truth is, this crisis will stay until 2012. that is the forecast i have read on the newspaper a month ago.

and according to an economist, a professor of mine in MBA, US is gonna hit the bottom by next year. so what is the implication of this?

Philippines is dependent on US's and Japan's economies. these two countries are our partners. if these two countries are in a recession, can you imagine what's gonna happen to us?

The number of company layoffs is getting bigger, with big players in the global market even closing down. and if this crisis is gonna go on till 2012, worst-case scenario is, a lot of companies will either lay off more employees to cut on cost or a number are gonna close down later on. who knows? might be yours. there is an imminent danger of losing our jobs no matter how big the companies we are working for are. intel is one of the big companies in the country, but it closed down last month. things are so unpredictable now. and nobody knows what else is gonna happen in the next six months.

i'm keeping my fingers crossed and i keep on praying we're gonna survive this. but nothing beats early preparation when worse comes to worst. and what better time to start than now.

so instead of spending most of your salaries, allot at least 25 percent for your savings. if you have a lot of free time, tap all those freelance jobs online, e.g. language tutoring; freelance writing jobs; graphic design; creative writing; scriptwriting. and the most important thing is, work hard and keep praying.

let's all pray that this too shall pass, amen...

a year after

It’s gonna be a year come 14 of February since my last breakup. And now that the painful experience is far too distant to even remember, I look back with a feeling of relief. At long last, everything has been put to rest.

I’ve gone through a letter I have written before, ending the courtship. Indeed, I was too busy even before I jumped into that relationship. Now I know I have wrongfully decided to take that guy for a boyfriend, when what I had just needed at the time is companionship.

And now, I can’t even remember a thing or two when I did really feel happy having him for a boyfriend, ‘cept for the convenience of having a companion at all times.

But why was it so painful and hard for me to let go then? Well, the best explanation is the word `nasanay.’--I had someone to fetch me before going to work; I had someone waiting for almost five hours for me for dinner; I had someone to walk me home after getting out of the office too late at night; I had someone who was willing to do errands for me if I got too busy; I had someone to fetch me with an umbrella when it is raining and I had to go to work---the convenience of having someone by your side everytime you need something. Meaning, I needed him, but maybe I had not loved him at all. But sometimes, the feeling of `need’ is mistaken for love.

I’m going to share with you the excerpt of my letter to the guy when five months into the courtship, I decided to let him down. btw, the file was saved in my pc as `sorry’.

``IN A WORLD full of hatred and bitterness, lies and deceit, it’s hard finding real people whose sincerity and love are quite real.

It takes a lifetime to find one, and maybe, the others have all gone to extinction. One is quite lucky if he/she is going to find the last one.

You are one of those kind. A caring and thoughtful person who is passionate with things he deems special.

And I’m pretty lucky to have met you in this modern age, when almost every guy is just trying to get in every girl’s pants. Know what I mean?...

….. the picture of too-good-to-be-true relationship might be great, tempting to others but the cold hard truth is, I’m not entering any relationship in the near future. I can’t fully commit and perhaps, I won’t be able to, till I am complete.

I’m not ready to face the challenges of another relationship. I’ve got a lot of loose ends to tie up….my dreams ….. In the long run, time will be scarce for both of us and soon, I’d be seeing you taken for granted all the time.

It’s all pointless. And you don’t deserve such kind of deprivation.

You are young. ….You’re fresh. You need to enjoy life and not get entangled with the world’s complexities too soon.

You deserve to be happy. And that does not depend on anyone but yourself and your dreams. I don’t want your world to revolve around me. Stay the same, go out and don’t miss out on things you should be enjoying. Life is so short, remember that.

I’ve tried my best giving back the care and attention you deserve, but it incurred compromises either to myself or to my work. I don’t have enough time for both.

And though I’ve got a plan, this is one of those many plans rerouted. I am sorry to bring your courtship to end. I can’t bear the gnawing guilt any longer. Don’t want you to waste time waiting while passing up on chances with other girls.

Cuss me, slap me on the face if you want. And I know that it would never be fair to you. I know I’ve been indebted to you in a lot of things….

But someday, when things about me would be okay, when I have already finished my higher studies, I would be proud to tell you I could help you in any way you want.

I need a lot of space and time right now. I am so sorry if I can’t meet all your expectations. I know it would be too painful for you, cos you’ve exerted too much effort, you’ve put in a lot of emotions and financial investment, but someday, you would understand.

It’s not easy, I know. But this is the only way for me to be complete and to be better ….

I am so sorry, but I guess, we could no longer continue with your courtship and waiting.

Back to square one. Let’s remain friends. If you need someone to talk to, I’d still be there, but not all the time. Can still eat merienda with you but not always. Anything but a relationship.

I’d understand if you would hate me for the rest of your life but all I can say is, thank you so much for coming into my life, for sharing in my miseries and for always listening to my troubles, for always being there, for your endless understanding, for the love and care.

You would remain a special keepsake of my heart and I’d always remember the time we have enjoyed together. you’ve touched my life and one day, when things are better about me, I’d be knocking at your doorstep for a chat over coffee in my favorite coffeeshop. And each time I would remember our happy times together, I’d smile cos you’ve been part of my life.

Take care...i’ll miss ya..’’

now that all of the things i have planned for myself before are slowly coming to life, i am far much happier. yeah. good times come, but certainly great times are better.

indeed, good things come to those who wait, and perhaps, i might not have experienced such a painful goodbye if i had seen what's quite more important back then. but it's never too late to celebrate in happiness. cheers to fellow interior design students, and have a happy valentine's day this saturday.

see you on Monday, ;)

love story

since wala pa namang ginagawa, i might as well tell you a story para naman maaliw kayo. sayang energy, ya know.

let's have a trip down memory lane. i was a frosh at UP Diliman. a wallflower to be exact; someone who was `allergic' to love and boys, but someone who knew how to ogle at them at the same time. proof was the list of crushes i had back then. i'd stay somewhere at the back during class so i could always admire my crushes from a distance. i had even participated in a `gimmick' of an organization back then in which one should tell the residence where the guy she had a crush on was staying, and an assigned member would snap a picture of him.

but in a twist of fate, the one i had grown closest to was the same guy who would break my heart later on. i was known to be a `promdi' girl during my high school years. i was even labeled a 'nerd.' if there'd be someone who'd prefer studying than going out to the JS prom, that would be me. but then again, college life changes people and so i learned how it was to fall in love for the first time. ironically, it was to the same guy who had lived next-door during my college years. a big bonus for me who was really falling slowly in-love at the time.

tall, dark, handsome. name it. and as if fate had been teasing me into it, we grew closer together. i'd be found seated beside him on the grass on a weekend night and we'd talk about the future under the moonlight. it was all between bestfriends. he'd talk about a girl he really liked, and though i'd be feeling disgusted inside, i'd feign i was happy about him. then i'd tell a make-believe story about a boy i had a crush on. well, talk about being a liar. familiar with taylor swift's song `teardrops on my guitar'? the story of the girl was the same story i had back in college.

however, falling in love with my would-be bestfriend at the time was the last thing on my mind. reason is, we had grown closer to each other like real siblings. and losing the friendship would be the most painful thing to happen. how had we come to know each other, you ask? then here's the story.

it was one cold december night. i was a big fan of eraserheads and i was one of the students who first lined up to buy tickets in a booth. my date had not shown up and the first thing that came to mind was to call someone who was a fan of the band, too. back then, pj and me were just mere acquaitances. i was introduced to him on the phone by my landlady's daughter who was bestfriends to his cousin. and him being the nearest person available, i crossed my finger and dialled his number. luckily, he didn't have a ticket and i offered him mine. course it wasn't for free.

funny thing is, on that night, it would be the first time we'd be seeing each other in person. so he came to the house i was staying in. there was a knock on the door and i started getting nervous. remember, i was going out with someone i had only known through the phone, though his cousin tirelessly told me he was a good-looking and intelligent guy. and the description fit my standard right. yeah. i prefer a moreno guy over a fairly-skinned boy.

i took a deep breath and practically wiped my sweaty palm against the fabric of my pants. then i seized the door handle and slowly turned the knob. curiosity made me take a peek first. i saw two guys standing at the doorstep. both were moreno but one was tall and the other stocky.

i had the hunch he was the tall guy wearing a baseball cap. he had that mysterious smile like monalisa's *kidding*. though i wasn't sure if he was feeling shy at the time, or he was as curious as i did.

''are you pj?'' i inquired. ``no. it was him,'' he said pointing his finger to the guy beside him. and when i was about to pop another question to his company, he interrupted at once and said, ''i was kidding. i'm pj. nice meeting you by the way,'' he said and smiled.

i took his hand when he offered a handshake. well, i knew back then my palm was sweaty and cold. so i shook his hand briefly. upon stepping out onto the street, his company bid us goodbye and left. we were with three of my friends. and as we walked on the misty and grassy footpath leading to the concert ground on the sunken garden, both of us were silent. i looked fine, but inside, my heart was throbbing heavily. it felt as though it wanted to pop out of my chest. yeah. i was freakingly nervous at the time.

i had never gone out in a date before. and though it was a casual thing to go out with friends, i considered that as my first blind-date. he stood 5 foot 8 and i was a petite 5 foot 3. and so when i talked, he had to lean over to understand what i was saying. topics of conversation came in trickles. till we reached the concert ground and the feeling of tension was drowned by the shrill screams of the crowd.

i took the tickets out of my pocket but both accidentally fell to the ground. i tried getting them back instantly but his hand was quicker than mine. our hands touched and it felt like an electric current shoot down my spine.

when i looked up, he was staring right into my eyes. it was then i realized he's got the most gorgeous eyes i'd ever seen. it took me a while to avert my gaze. good thing the crowd started to get wild as the band members emerged from the backstage. so there i was jumping and screaming at the same time. i had a big crush on buddy zabala, the bassist of the band, at the time and seeing him helped me shook off the feeling i had with pj on that night. though it was a weird feeling, it felt indescribable just the same.

the concert drew to a close. at 2 a.m., we started heading back home. i was at a total loss for words. the thing is, it might be because of the concert or because of pj. i dunno what struck me that night. all i knew was i met someone who was really different from all of the crushes and guys i have met. one: pj is intelligent. two, conversation-wise, he was not bad. dead air in betwee is not so unusual when both of you have just met. and three, our minds connect. you pop a question and the conversation just takes its own course. i felt we could talk forever.

the group decided to sit down for a while and have a little talk on the grass covering the elevated part of the sunken garden. though i felt cold, i agreed. in my head, it would be the last time i'm gonna be talking to a great guy, so i took the chance of knowing pj more. talking to him was so easy. it was like starting a sentence and have him finish it. we were good vibes. so we clicked at once.

we talked mostly about trivial things. and the funny thing is, pj's personality attracted me at once. i could not describe how i felt about him but i knew i was starting to like him. he plays the guitar. he said he draws. and the way he talks, he's got substance. i prefer the artist-type of guy. someone who's got depth and an inclination to music and the arts. maybe because i am an artist myself. though my creativity leans more on the design side, i guess, what got us together so easily is the fact that we are both artists by nature.

we see things on the same perspective; it was like finding a match by random. what a concidence, isn't it? how do i knew our minds travel on the same wavelength. well, i told you. it was like singing a song and have him recite the lyrics.

so that was how i met him. by the time we reached our homes, it was time to say goodbye. feelings of sadness washed over me. ``this is going to be a sad goodbye,'' i told myself, faking a big smile saying it was nice to have met him and talked to him for a little while.

``i enjoyed the night with you. thanks for coming,'' i told him, extending my hand.

he held my hand and shook it. then he looked me in the eye and smiled. i felt like melting in that moment. but it would be a disgrace to give it away. so i just turned my back and stood by the door.

just then, my friend came closer and talked me into asking a favor from pj. unfortunately, it was too late for her friends to go home. at past 3 in the morning, there won't be any cab coming into the campus anymore. and it would be a problem for the both of us to let her guy friend sleep in an all-girls apartment.

i was sure my eyes glistened upon hearing the bad news. so i walked mechanically toward pj as the smile that crossed my lips grew wider. i whispered into pj's ear as my friends watched in silence. when pj flashed a thumbs up to them, i knew then our story had begun.

(to be continued)

wasting time away

i have been seated in front of my pc around 2 this afternoon. time check: my computer clock says it is 6:28 in the evening. if i am correct, that would be 4 hours and 28 minutes. i have wasted away 4 hours and 28 minutes today. and when i say that, it means i have been seated in front of the monitor doing nothing: e.g. staring at the monitor; chatting; watching clips from youtube-basically killing time.

ilang tao kaya ang may gustong makipagpalit sa pwesto ko para lang maging ganito din kadali sa kanila ang kumita? i bet, marami, especially ngaun at may krisis sa buong mundo. pero believe it or not, NAKAKABATO NA TALAGA TO! kasi feeling ko, nagiging useless akong tao pag wala akong ginagawa. feeling ko, kinakalawang na ang utak ko sa kakatanga sa monitor ng computer ko. sana lang wag sya mag freeze kasi sayang naman yung talent at creativity ko.

dapat, bago pa man mangyari eto e nakapag design na ako ng kahit isa man lang bedroom para maging kumpleto na ang career life ko, waaah!

job mismatcH

shit happens. and when it does, i begin questioning my profession. is it the profession, or just the people who make my life miserable?

life on earth is enjoyable. but is this feasible around people who don't know what respect means?

last time i checked, journalists are not supposed to be scolded by editors like executive assistants (no negative meaning for exec assistants intended). they went to school just like them and studied journalism for four years, too. they are part of the news team. they are educated people who deserve respect as well. some are not just journalists by profession. a lot are equally intelligent, talented and perhaps, a lot better in other areas of concetration. the thing is, they might have been trapped in a place that offers nothing but repetitive tasks that led them to stagnation.

i have no qualms about journalism per se. but how `bosses' behave in the newsroom sometimes leads me to doubt whether i have been in the right profession. i am much more than what my position says. anyone's ability can never be measured by what she does inside the newsroom. all people commit mistakes. and when journalists do, it does not mean anybody has the right to shout at them as though they are idiots who don't know anything at all. mistakes aren't tickets allowing 'bosses' to let off some kind of ego-breaking words, so their morale can plunge deeper.

being last in the editorial lineup does not give anyone the right to belittle them, or shame them for others to view as though they have done a crime. besides, the bosses are also accountable for mistakes. and if the error has never caught their eye, is it right to pass the buck or blame it on the person whose position is at the bottom of the line? i don't think so.

it's no denying that bosses are superior in knowledge and experience. but this does not make junior journalists a lot inferior in education. they should be treated as part of the team, and better yet, an equal.